When one doesn’t remember how to log in and add a new entry, they have clearly neglected their blog for WAY too long! Sorry if anyone’s been disappointed by my absence. I figure it’s the holidays and all, so I’m hoping it’s forgivable if it’s even been noticed. And I know a couple of people have no
ticed. Thanks for the gentle prodding. I’m still visiting my family for the holidays and it’s always so hectic. In a good way, I guess. So many people to see, things to do, etc. On the other hand I always feel like I’m disappointing someone every single second that I’m here because I can only be so many places at one time. Anyway, I just watched Slumdog Millionaire and I simply loved it! Please go see it, if you haven’t already. It is so beautiful (in a gritty, painful way), and inspiring. I actually was a contestant on “millionaire” quite a few years ago. Seeing that set and hearing that music always elevates my heart rate a bit, so at times this movie really had me on the edge of my seat. It also left me full of faith and gratitude and awe. It reassured me that all of the things that I’ve been through that were less than pleasant (downright painful some of them-but nothing like Jamal’s), and all of those that I have yet to face, are leading me to my destiny. “It is written.” It is written that I be born biracial. That my black mother and white father divorced and I began to see things in black or white. It is written that I witness the joys and the sorrows of both of these worlds and have come to realize without a doubt that we’re all cut from the same cloth, so to speak, and that the things “they” tell us to keep us separate are illusions of this world. That I find the pursuit of banishing them (the illusions meant to separate, not the people perpetuating them for that is just a habit they learned) to the nothingness from whence they came to be my deepest passion and most fulfilling endeavor must be written. I never looked ahead and saw this chapter coming. I had no idea. But it is written.
I’m sitting in the hotel room again. Feeling grateful for coffee, room service, the grace of God, the power of positive thinking, my job, my dog (and those caring for him while I’m away), my family, my friends, and my self. I did pause before typing “my self”. Is that something I should not be grateful for? It felt kinda weird to write. Like it’s egotistical. But I should be grateful for my self and I think it ties back into the grace of God thing, because I believe that without the grace of God I wouldn’t be my self. Well, I wouldn’t be the parts of my self that I am grateful for anyway. I’ll have to get comfortable with that. Kinda like being comfortable saying I’m “white and black” instead of ”black and white” if someone asked. What’s the difference, anyway? The chat went well yesterday! They did ask me to “come back”! And my dog is more than ok. I think positive ‘what if’s’ are essential and I’ll be training myself to indulge in them and eradicate the negatives. Let’s see what happens…
Indy wouldn’t dream of doing it. He’ll be in the stroller til we get to our block, but then he’ll have to get out to tend to some “business.” I have such anxiety about these grooming days. Today we’re going to try a new place. They seem nice and professional. But then they always do at first. It’s funny that some of the more blatantly racially charged experiences I’ve had in NYC have been at a frickin’ dog groomer. Actually, it’s not funny. I would be anxious anyway, because that’s just how I operate, but knowing that my dog will probably be treated better if my white male roommate takes him to the groomer kinda sends me over the edge. And here I was wondering what on earth I’d write this morning and doubting that it would have anything to do with race. I am looking forward to writing about whatever on here tho and not being so consumed with black and white. Seems like I just can’t get away from it tho. For now.
